Following are comments thought but never spoken.

Sarah Palin: Who cares about flowing salmon, let’s get on with flowing money!

Barack Obama: I wish they had a different name than “gays.” It’s sort of difficult being against people why are gay.

Glenn Beck: I know I’m a schmuck and nothing I say makes sense, but I’m wealthy and you ain’t!

Prime Minister Putin: Human rights in Russia means any human in this country has the right to agree with me without fear of punishment.

Gordon Brown: Let’s see, Tony Blair left me with a mess in Afghanistan and Iraq and the economy in the dumps. Now, he wants to be President of the European Union. I believe he has run through his quotas of mistakes.

George Bush: I wonder what else Dick never told me about. Then again, he was the vice president and I only was the president.

Albert Pujos: I made the All Star team on my fielding, not my hitting.

Unemployed Auto Worker: OK, I twice voted for George Bush. How was I to know the WMD wasn’t about destroying foreign auto plants?

NRA Head: There is no way some damn liberal namby pampy angel is gonna take away my gun when I get to Heaven.

Senator Sessions: The Constitution clearly says we can torture Muslim terrorists. It’s in the 2nd Amendment. If you doubt me, ask Jack Bauer.