Following are comments thought but never spoken by these individuals.

Sarah Palin: I intend to stand up for America by making gobs of money. Since I eat at fast food places I will be giving a stimulus for jobs for decent honest hard working Americans.

Joe Biden: Let’s see, which stupid remark can I make today without getting the boss man upset? I know, how about Paraguay!

Alex Rodriguez: I’m hitting 250 and making $25 million. I wonder what they will give me if I hit 300?

Senator McConnell: I’m against people who aren’t born in America and all them illegal immigrants. I’m a modern Republican not one of those Theodore Roosevelt communists!

Osama bin Laden: The mountains of Pakistan are not exactly my conception of the good life. Hmm, I wonder if it is really true about those virgins in Heaven?

Lou Dobbs: I stood up for police, I stood up for getting rid of illegal immigrants, and damn it, I intend to stand up for birth certificates for all Americans who want a job!

Miley Cyrus: How about calling myself Idaho Iris?

Michael Jackson: Weird, they have lots of dark skinned people in Heaven,

John McCain: When Sarah Palin’s memoirs come out I think I’ll opt for a few months at the Hanoi Hilton.