Following are comments that never will be spoken.
PARIS HILTON: Maybe if I became a terrorist for a week, I’d be back in the news.
Education Chancellor Joel Klein: Frank McCourt never would have met our GPA standards which ensure quality.
BARRY GOLDWATER: I never knew the GOP meant Great Outrageous Putzes. Who are these people, they never met an intelligent idea they could accept!
LOU DOBBS: I hate liberals and do gooders. That’s why I am an independent.
MICHAEL VICK: They don’t allow dogs in locker rooms so the guys on my team are safe.
TIGER WOODS: I can’t win them all. Hmm, can I play the race card?
ISRAELI RABBI: Oy mein gutt, why didn’t God in his infinite wisdom make Saudi Arabia our beloved Israel?
SGT. CROWLEY: Sorry for the inconvenience, sir, have a good one.
JESUS: What if Bill O’Reilly and Lou Dobbs find out I never had a birth certificate! I guess there would go the religion.