Following are comments thought by individuals but never spoken in public.
RUDY GIULIANI: God, imagine if was elected and had to deal with that economic stuff. Oh well, somehow I would have worked saving New York into something.
MCDONALD’S EXECUTIVE: I got it, we will be the only Kosher fast food place in the world. Blintzes for breakfast served by rabbis.
HILLARY CLINTON: The bad news is I lost the race for the presidency. The good news is I lost.
AL QAEDA SUICIDE BOMBER: I wonder how many people I have to kill to get a place in heaven with unveiled virgins.
REAL ESTATE AGENT: Mom said open a beauty salon but all I could see was the beauty of all that money with rising housing prices.
RUSH LIMBAUGH: What can we dig up about the Obama girls–drugs, sex, incest? What do you think I pay you sleaze bags for?
LOU DOBBS: I am an independent. I independently reach these ridiculous conclusions about immigrants and economics.
GOD: OK, even God can make a mistake by creating these humans!
ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT: Go South young man, south!
ARNE DUNCAN: As Secretary of Education I want teachers held accountable, not the president or me.