President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela has finally uncovered the secret plan of the CIA to cause cancer in leaders of key nations in the world. How this brilliant man was able to discover our government’s plan is simply amazing. As he posed to the media: “wouldn’t it be strange if they developed a technology to induce cancer and no one knew about it?” I guess it was a lucky guess by the man who has brought peace and prosperity to his land. I feel a load has been lifted from my shoulders.
In the fall of 2000, I was summoned to Washington D.C. where I met with a man who shall only be identified by the letter, X. Another man was in the room who spoke with an Israeli accent, and most probably was a member of the Mossad. They proposed if I cared about my country I would allow my body to receive a new drug whose outcome was cancer. I volunteered because I wanted to end the tyranny of Hugo Chavez. Over the course of six months I was injected with this drug.
After developing cancer, I was sent on missions to Venezuela, Brazil, and Peru where I stood outside the residences of their leaders and blew my virus into the air. The virus was picked up by a pigeon who delivered it to the residence of these important people. I am currently on assignment to Syria and if things go well, President Bashar al-Assad will get cancer. I did my job in Egypt where President Mubarak is currently down with cancer.
Of course, my next step is to induce cancer into every candidate of the Republican party in order to have them come down with cancer. This will ensure the victory of Barack Obama and finally, the secret cabal of Jewish rabbis will be able to control the world!