Donald Runs For Dollar Bills!

Donald Duck Trump has decided he can best restore prosperity to America by making billions for himself. Each time he makes another billion, untold thousands of decent hard working Americans secure jobs. If he took the easy task of becoming president Congress, the Supreme Court and other such institutions would stand in his way compelling him to either fire them or step down as boss man. According to the Duck man, “after considerable deliberation and reflection, ” he was left with no other choice but to get out of the race even though it was clear to the public, “I would be able to win the primary and ultimately, the general election.” But, when all is said and done, “ultimately however, business is my greatest passion.”

One must admire a man who has convictions. Unfortunately, he is now second in line among Republican candidates who prefer the dollar over the presidency since Mike Huckabee beat him to the punch by taking the low road to money. We await further declarations:

1. Sarah Palin is expected to shortly announce: “when it comes to giving up the millions I make and harm my daughter’s fantastic musical career, as a mother and lover of dollars, I regret to announce I will not pursue the path to power. Heck, I have plenty of power right now.”

2. Rudy Giuliani will shortly inform the public: “As everyone knows, I saved America in September, 2001 by my heroic actions in walking the streets of New York with only fifty policemen by my side. As everyone knows, I ended crime in New York city. As America knows, I supported gun control until I realized there was an America outside of New York City. Anyway, I will not play second fiddle to Donald Trump. For Donald, business is his passion, for me, dollar bills are my passion, and the thought of not hearing the sound of my brave voice once again tell the world how I saved New York is painful. But, I will not run for a second rate job that does not pay $100,000 a gig.”

3. Michele Bachmann will also announce her future: “First, I am working on making clear if I become president does that include places like San Francisco and Hollywood and New York City? I really would like to be the first Madam President, but the idea of having to head a nation that includes gays, lesbians and abortionists is disturbing. It would really help to make me decide to run if the nation could just get rid of all immigrants and just allow we God fearing white Christians to have our own country. Is that possible?”