Editorial: Dick Cheney: Poster Boy For Gun Lovers

Once upon a time in the wild west of Wyoming a little boy played cowboy with his toy gun. Dickie was so thrilled with playing with guns that when he grew up he liked to go into the forest and show his bravery by killing squirrels and deer. Dickie figured if he didn’t kill the squirrels, the squirrel army would gain so many numbers of angry members, it would sweep over the defenseless people of Wyoming. As for the deer, they ran faster than he could so it was only fair that he had a gun to shoot.

One day, the brave little Dickie, got a letter from Uncle Sam which informed him the army wanted his services to fight in a place called Vietnam. Well, Dickie consulted the Constitution and it clearly said the 2nd Amendment only applied to “militias” which meant the Army could not take his body away from Wyoming. He also figured fighting in jungles was not exactly the same as killing deer because those Viet Cong had guns that fired back and a man could get killed. Dickie told the draft board he had better things to do than risk his life overseas. Anyway, the local NRA people told him they needed his services to fight against the oppressive American government which was flying around in black helicopters and kidnapping decent American citizens.

Dickie was a brave man and kept his gun ready 24 hours a day and night just in case those oppressive gangsters in the black helicopters swooped down and tried to break into his house. His neighbor, Joe Horn, came out one day and shot down two men robbing the next door house. Dickie enjoyed such tales of men shooting people who didn’t have guns to fire back because it always meant the good guys won and the bad guys lost.

Dickie made certain in life he hung around with other such brave men like Georgie, the boy whose daddy kept him out of fighting people with guns. If you loved guns like Dickie loved them, the important thing was always to shoot at something that could not shoot back. That is the American way of bravery. The local NRA people said it was true and if they said something was true and American, it darn sure was!

Dickie was a 100% American not like that coward John Kerry who went to Vietnam and got a soft job in the jungle while Dickie was battling through Washington D.C. traffic. It is no wonder the NRA holds up Dickie and Georgie, and all the other Bush draft dodgers as the personification of what is meant by the gun culture. In America, to love a gun means always make certain you only use it against unarmed people and unarmed animals. And, if you really want to become a good hunter, get an Uzi in case the first shot doesn’t hit the target. After all, we know the black helicopters are sending rays to make your shot go astray. It’s them damn liberals in the helicopters who are behind efforts to take away a man’s right to kill the undefended. Just read the 2nd Amendment, it’s all explained in it.

Now, I know some people want to take away Dickie’s right to have a gun to defend his nation against dictatorship. Just remember, the last time the oppressive government tried to take away our right to slaves, we God loving Constitution obeying gun lovers rose up in arms to defend our laws and way of life. And, just remember, it was gun loving God fearing decent Americans who were in the KKK lynch mobs to teach them uppity black skinned men
to obey the Constitution and keep their eyes away from our white women! If you take away a man’s right to have a gun, you take away his right to defend his family against you know whom– them damn terrorist Muslims!

Dickie, them liberals may say bad things about you, but we know that Dickie Cheney is one darn good straight shooter. OK, so maybe he is a mite bit off target a few times, but his heart is as straight as an arrow. Just remember, if you take a strict interpretation of Christ’s Sermon On The Mount, it clearly says a man has a right to own a gun.