This reporter, after months of extensive research and expenditure of thousands of dollars can now reveal the long suppressed truth about Donald Trump, or at least, the man who claims to be Donald Trump.

1. Our research has failed to come across a Single Picture which shows Donald Duck and Donald Trump together! Think about it:
a) Donald Duck Quacks. I just described Donald Trump.
b) No one can make any sense of the Duck quacks. Can anyone understand anything about the Donald quacks?
c) Donald Duck was born in a pond in New York. Donald Trumps admits he was born in New York! A coincidence?

2. Donald Trump is a self made billionaire who was given money by his generous wealthy father. If he is elected, all of us will receive money from our father, Donald Trump so we too can become a billionaire.

3. Donald Trump admits to having “fabulous gay friends.” How do we know if Donald Trump isn’t a fabulous gay millionaire?

4. Donald Trump far out scores Giuliani or Romney or Gingrich in possessing women with whom he has sex. Don’t we want the man who can screw in charge of screwing us?

5. Donald Trump knows all about Newark. Libya is a bit out of his scope, but who cares. We need a tunnel from New York to New Jersey and who better than the expert on Newark to accomplish this goal?

6. Who do you want in charge of foreign policy–Michele Bachmann or Donald Trump? huh? Score one for Donald!

7. Donald Trump has no knowledge of Pakistan, the ISI, the Taliban. What better man to be in charge of directing policies in Afghanistan and the region?

8, Donald Trump loves America, money, and himself. Can you match such love?