Five Easy Ways To Make Certain Of Suicide

At this time of the year when suicide rates are among the highest for the year, we thought it would be very Christian or Jewish or Muslim to offer advice on how to encourage people to decide they prefer committing suicide to enduring another moment on this planet.

1. Lock a person in a room tied to a chair and have the TV set playing Republican debates and their replays for a solid 31 days without stop.

2. Arrange a lunch date with Michele Bachmann who spends the time explaining why she should be president of the USA– or president of the Girl Scouts.

3. Arrange a dinner date with Donald Trump and listen to him talk about any subject for 1 minute before going into a verbal essay on why he should be president of the United States.

4. Be compelled to read the speeches of Newt Gingrich for a twenty hour time period.

5.  Listen to Herman Cain explaining how firing people creates more jobs.

Oh, if none of the above work, spend a year in Iraq or Afghanistan saving Muslims from terrorists.