Glenn Beck Interview With Adolf Hitler

*Ladies and gentlemen we have a special guest this evening on our program– the former Chancellor of Germany–Adolf Hitler! Welcome, sir, welcome sir.
*Good evening Mr. Beck, I am honored to be on the same program with a man who is leading the fight against communism. You have a right to be proud of your work to halt the spread of communism.
*Thank you, Herr Hitler. Tell me, would it be OK if I called you Adolf on the program?
*No problem, Glenn, actually in my childhood my friends called me Dolf.
*Great, so tell me Dolf, are you still with the gorgeous Eva Braun?
*We have a wonderful life. We go for walks with our dogs and have fun.
*In America, we like to get to know about people and their intimate life. So, tell me, Dolf, is Eva the type of woman who likes to be underneath or on top?
*We take turns.
*Great, would you be willing to share what you best like about sex?
*In all honesty, I really like a blow job.
*Great, Dolf, Could you tell the audience why no children in your life?
*Unfortunately, Eva could not conceive. But, we do have the dogs.
Dolf, I’ve been to Germany several times. See this line I am drawing? It represents one of your wonderful autobahns. What gave you the idea to develop such a fantastic system of roads?
*Just remember, Glenn, I was the one who fought for the idea of the people’s car–the volkswagen. I wanted every family in Germany to have their own car and thus we needed roads.
Dolf, what else are you most proud of?
*Full employment. Unlike this current communist administration of Barack Obama, I created an economy in which all who wanted to work, could work.
*Folks, listen to a man who created jobs, not cut them as does Obama. It is too bad we don’t have people like you in government.
*Those were difficult days, fighting to end communism and protect capitalism, those were the goals of my administration. Now back to your life. *Take us through a day of your wonderful life.
*I arise, do some exercises, eat breakfast with Eva, and then go for a walk. I read the newspapers, but so many are simply radical liberal trash in which those who work are derided.
*What do you regard as important issues today?
*First of all, this stuff about global warming is simply liberal hysteria. Glenn, I love nature. I love the outdoors. But, like your wonderful Sarah Palin puts it, just liberal communist propaganda.
*Do you like Sarah?
*She is a woman we all can be proud of. She has children, she hunts for food, she cooks food, she listens to her husband, and, best of all, she is not like the liberal women who over-think. Glenn, too much thinking is not good for the mind. That is a big problem with liberals and their women, they are always reading books and thinking and thinking. That gets you into trouble.
*Dolf, I just have to ask you a few questions which might be difficult to answer. Could you explain about this World War and this stuff about Jews?
*Glenn, let me make perfectly clear, I did NOT begin World War II! Polish terrorists attacked German outposts on the border. I have it on good authority these terrorists were paid by radical communists to create a war between Germany and Poland. Just like at 9/11, we Germans had to take a stand for world civilization. Either we fought to keep the world free or communist terrorists would have taken over Europe. I did NOT attack Poland, I counter-attacked.
*So, Dolf, could we say the war began as an honest mistake?
*It was unfortunate. It was unfortunate that so many people died. We were fighting against communism, we were fighting against terrorism, just as America these days fights the evil of extremism. Those who stand tall in the fight to save civilization are always termed to be aggressors.
*Now, Dolf, I really have to ask a tough question about the Jewish stuff. What happened? You know, the Holocaust?
*Do you mean the Allied bombing of our cities which killed hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians? Do you mean the hundreds of thousands of *German women who were raped by Soviet Communist soldiers?
No, Dolf, I mean about the Jews and the death camps.
*Glenn, let me make clear, some of my best friends were Jews, not that I’d marry one. In fact the lieutenant who recommended me for a medal in WWI was Jewish. Unfortunately, many communists were also Jews. Many bankers who wrecked our economy were Jews– just like in America today. In rounding up so many communists and socialists we invariably wound up arresting Jews.
*But, Dolf, what about the death camps?
*Glenn, I am the first to admit that perhaps some of my officers got carried away and did excessive acts against people. But, we were simply trying to help Jews who spent their lives with money and thinking to do an honest day of physical labor. Do you really believe America would be in this economic mess today if those around Barack Obama did an honest days work with their hands?
*So, if I get you right, Dolf, things sort of escalated and excessive acts were committed?
*Absolutely. I knew some nice Jews, not that I’d marry one. But, if Jews get involved with communists, they might wind up dead. Consider it an example of collateral damage. I challenge anyone to produce a document written by me which says kill Jews!
*Well, Dolf, thanks for your honesty and insights into life. I hope everyone will purchase your new book: “Mein Kampf Revisited.” And, Dolf, give my regards to Eva– and the dogs.