As a parent of two little children it was my firm belief they should be kept far away from the evil food that is known as a McDonald Happy Meal. I figured that eating those meals invariably led to obesity and developing a love of junk food. Little did I know how incorrect were my views on the Happy Meal. In reality, recent events in Pittsburgh have proven that consuming a Happy Meal is the first step on the road to Heaven, and when I say, HEAVEN, man, I mean HEAVEN. It turns out that an employee at a McDonald’s in Pittsburgh was actually a young man involved in the drug trade. If you desired some heroin along with the Happy Meal, just cruise through the drive-in and whisper the following words: “I’d like to order a toy.”

Once the magic words were spoken, a new Happy Meal was delivered and it included the “toy” which turned out to be a nice bag of heroin. Not only were you provided food for the stomach, but also for the mind in order to ensure that eating at McDonald’s was a liberating experience which would get you high and high all the night through!