Each week, we offer a sample of headlines that appeared in the world’s press.

Australia, The Age: “Oral Sex Causes Cancer To Rise”
I would keep my mouth shut about this if I was you.

Sweden, The Local: “Surgeon Faked Operations”
So what, the people faked their symptoms, so there?

Singapore, Straits Times: “Baby Saves Mum From Jail”
After one long crying tantrum, the police decided they prefer peace and quiet.

Kuwait, Kuwait Times: “Virtue Propogation Panel In Offering”
Does that mean only virtuous people are on the panel? what if an unvirtuous person
got on one?

Norway, Aftenposten: “Ex-Prostitutes Face Unemployment”
I think they got blown away by circumstances.

Sweden, The Local: “MP Reveals Stripper Past”
We will trade one ex-drunk president for three ex-Strippers.

Australia, Brisbane Times: “Molester With Armpit Fetish Gets 18 Lashes”
I would hate to know what he would get if he had B.O.

Norway, Aftenposten: “Child Caught In Baggage X-Ray”
He was returned to parents because he didn’t have a ticket.

Bhutan, Bhutan Times: “Bomb Makers Blown Up”
I think someone had a short fuse.

Germany, Der Spiegel: “A Marriage Made In Hell”
I think they are referring to the one between the American people and George Bush.

Australia, Sydney Morning Post: “Gay Anglican Priest Marries Partner”
There wasn’t a dry eye in the audience.

Sweden, The Local: “Man At Train Station With Dynamite”
He was getting ready to blast off on his vacation.

Denmark, Copenhagen Post: “Denmark Is For Danes”
Can I quote you on that?

Kuwait, Kuwait Times: “Search India For Moustache”
I think they were combing the environment for the object.

Yemen, Yemen Times: “Youth Court Sues Youth Ministry”
They just weren’t willing to bide their time to wait for an answer.

Australia, Brisbane Times: “Moon Goes Horribly Wrong”
You idiot, how many times do I have to say it, come out at night, not at daytime!

Finland, Sanomat: “The History Man”
They definitely were not referring to America’s president.

Australia, West Australian: “Perth On Alert For Mugger”
I was perthed on my perch to try and see him.