Each week we offer a review of headlines that appeared in the world’s press with our own commentary.
Sweden, The Local: “Chocolate Penis Craving Lands Man In Court”
I think the judge drooped the case.
Saudi Arabia, Saudi Gazette: “Remove Sex Curriculum From Schools”
In Saudi Arabia, the camel brings the baby.
Germany, Der Spiegel: “Wild Boars Help Capture Criminals”
I think the police were too bored to handle the criminals.
Turkey, Turkish Daily News: “Tourism for Dogs”
You can book a tour package from Club Bow Wow.
Norway, Aftenposten: “Norway Turns To Right”
If they turn too far right, poor people will be left out.
Bhutan, Bhutan Times: “Kremlin Critic Gets Genital Reminder”
Keep your damn hands to yourself.
Saudi Arabia, Saudi Gazette: “Chairs With Talking Points”
Fellow legs, I move we table this motion.
Australia, Brisbane Times: “Angry Storm Of Denial Over Sex With Soldiers”
Not from the soldiers, I would bet.
Finland, Sanomat: “Smashes Wheelchair Racing In 100 Meter”
He is moving into the high hurdle category.
Australia, The Age: “How To Disappear And Never Be Found”
Show up at a Bush Cabinet meeting with a copy of Scott McClellan’s book.
Turkey, Zaman: “Tagging Along With Nomads”
Hurriedly, I assume.
Kuwait, Kuwait Times: “Court Orders Allowances For Women”
They are now allowed to beat the hell out of abusive husbands.
Australia, Sydney Morning Herald: “Sex first For Fish”
We are pleased to announce the marriage of Mr. Salmon to Ms. Halibut.
Denmark, Copenhagen Post: “Monk Caught Practicing Self Love”
I think he has a handful of problems in this one.
Sweden, The Local: “Outrage Over Spiritualist Summit”
There were many thundering statements being heard.
Australia, Sydney Morning Post: “Olympics Set To Begin”
Let the games Beijing.