HEADLINES FROM AROUND THE WORLD’S PRESS

Each week we offer a review of headlines that appeared in the world’s press with our own commentary.

Sweden, The Local: “Chocolate Penis Craving Lands Man In Court”
I think the judge drooped the case.

Saudi Arabia, Saudi Gazette: “Remove Sex Curriculum From Schools”
In Saudi Arabia, the camel brings the baby.

Germany, Der Spiegel: “Wild Boars Help Capture Criminals”
I think the police were too bored to handle the criminals.

Turkey, Turkish Daily News: “Tourism for Dogs”
You can book a tour package from Club Bow Wow.

Norway, Aftenposten: “Norway Turns To Right”
If they turn too far right, poor people will be left out.

Bhutan, Bhutan Times: “Kremlin Critic Gets Genital Reminder”
Keep your damn hands to yourself.

Saudi Arabia, Saudi Gazette: “Chairs With Talking Points”
Fellow legs, I move we table this motion.

Australia, Brisbane Times: “Angry Storm Of Denial Over Sex With Soldiers”
Not from the soldiers, I would bet.

Finland, Sanomat: “Smashes Wheelchair Racing In 100 Meter”
He is moving into the high hurdle category.

Australia, The Age: “How To Disappear And Never Be Found”
Show up at a Bush Cabinet meeting with a copy of Scott McClellan’s book.

Turkey, Zaman: “Tagging Along With Nomads”
Hurriedly, I assume.

Kuwait, Kuwait Times: “Court Orders Allowances For Women”
They are now allowed to beat the hell out of abusive husbands.

Australia, Sydney Morning Herald: “Sex first For Fish”
We are pleased to announce the marriage of Mr. Salmon to Ms. Halibut.

Denmark, Copenhagen Post: “Monk Caught Practicing Self Love”
I think he has a handful of problems in this one.

Sweden, The Local: “Outrage Over Spiritualist Summit”
There were many thundering statements being heard.

Australia, Sydney Morning Post: “Olympics Set To Begin”
Let the games Beijing.