Each week we review the world press via their headlines and add our own satirical comments.

Sweden, The Local: “Rapist Denied Porno In Cell”
I think it was the porno that got him into the cell in the first place.

Australia, Sydney Morning Herald: “26 Cheerleaders Get Stuck In Lift”
That’s what happens when you try to lift spirits.

Denmark, Copenhagen Post: “Dane Behind Umbrella Assassination”
I am confused, why are Danes assassinating umbrellas?

Australia, Brisbane Times: “Action Needed At Crossing”
It was action that created the need for action at the crossing.

Qatar, Gulf Times: “Judge Quits Graft Case Hearing”
Someone paid him off to get out of the hearing.

Kuwait, Kuwait Times: “Kuwait To Limit Nationalities”
One Bangladesh to a Kuwait couple.

Saudi Arabia, Saudi Gazette: “Unemployed Graduates Demand Government Jobs”
I believe there are some openings at the unemployment office.

Sweden, The Local: “Freak Fodder Slide Kills Farmer”
At least the modder didn’t get killed.

Australia, Sydney Morning Herald: “Family Forgets 4 Year Old At Airport”
Are you certain they “forgot?

New Zealand, New Zealand Herald: “Pregnant Woman Gets McDonalds Voucher”
After some McDonalds hamburgers she either won’t be pregnant or healthy.

Turkey, Turkish Daily News: “Turkish Kitchen Visits Portugal”
I assume a Portuguese bedroom will visit Turkey.

Great Britain, The Independent: “Pensioner Strangles Wife And Gets Year Pub Ban”
I have a hunch she is safer if he spent more time in the pub.

Australia, Brisbane Times: “Baby Found In Closet After Party”
It was a house warming gift.

Australia, Sydney Morning Herald: “The Man Who Never Was”
Unfortunately for the world, George Bush was the man who was.

Denmark, Copenhagen Post: “Chicken Recalled”
To where and why?

China, China Daily: “Leaking Toilets Expose Corruption”
I guess the shit dumped on the right people.

Sweden, The Local: “Motorcycle Hit By Flying Elk”
I believe the elk had the right of way.

Russia, Moscow Times: “Good Theater Is Bad For Stock Market”
Does that mean bad theater is good for it?

Norway, Aftenposten: “Penalized For Rearing Children”
If you met their kids you would know jail is too light a sentence.

Oman, Oman Tribune: “Don’t Eat Dead Fish”
I guess this leaves us eating sushi.