Headlines From The World Press

Each week we offer a selection of headlines that appeared in the world press.

UK, The Independent: “Soldier Killed After Getting Engaged”
Gee, imagine if he got married!

Australia, Canberra Times: “Decision Due on Sewage Treatment”
This story stinks to high heaven.

Singapore, Straits Times: “Toilets Win 4 Star Rating”
For sittin or shittin?

Swaziland, Swaziland Observer: “We’re Ready To Spill Beans”
Said the can of beans to the world.

Malaysia, New Straits Times: “Smart Trains To Close”
They will be replaced by dumb trains.

Ghana, Daily Graphic: “Counsel Absent From Court-Defendant Acquitted”
But, did the defendant have to pay the lawyer?

UK, The Independent: “I’m In Love With An Assassin”
He shot an arrow into my heart.

India, Times of India: “Resort Owner Robs Tourists”
By his prices or service?

China, China Daily: “Burglar Calls Police”
It was a collect call.

Kazakhstan, Gazeta.kz: “Wolf Hunting Exciting”
Not for the wolf.

South Africa, The Mercury: “Police Arrest Toy Gun Robber”
They wet him with their sprayers.

Japan, Japan Times: “Japan Welcomes Year of Ox”
Let’s hope we aren’t gored as we were in 2008.

Turkey, Sabah: “Foreigner Denies Donating Blood”
Mr. Dracula never donates blood.

Australia, The Age: “Rubbish Bin Dispute”
Enough of this trash talk.

China, Shanghai Daily: “Man Held For Running Gay Sex Service”
So, you expect him to run an ungay sex service?

Australia, West Australian: “Yummy Mummies Not So Platable”
After three thousand years, what exactly do you expect?