Headlines Of The Week

Each week we offer our satirical comments on headlines that appeared in newspapers throoughout the world.

Australia, Sydney Morning Herald: “Dead At Home For Five Weeks”
He must have thought his wife was the silent type.

Canada, Toronto Star: “Americans Can’t Stand To Read About Gay Penguins”
Heck, some can’t stand to read about gay people.

Australia, The Age: “Cargo Ship Runs Aground”
At least they got the cargo to dry land.

Sweden, The Local: “Swedes Enjoy Jesus in Guantanamo”
I have a hunch Jesus would not have enjoyed Jesus in Guantanamo.

Sweden, The Local: “Giant Pinocchio Arrives In Sweden”
I didn’t know George Bush was going to Sweden.

Denmark, Copenhagen Post: “Calling All Male Genitalia”
Stand up and look smart.

Kuwait, Arab Times: “Baghdad’s Ice Man Cometh”
I think many would prefer if their Americans Goeth.”

Kuwait, Kuwait Times: “Blair Caught Ticketless”
He was also clueless about Iraq’s WMD.

Norway, Aftenposten: “Oslo Offers Best Price For Sex”
But, does it offer the best quality?

New Zealand, Bay Of Plenty Times: “Goat Chase Ends In Fatality”
This story really got the goat in me.

Asia, Times of Central Asia: “Down With Fertilizer, Up With Nitrates”
This is the type of shitty story that makes me feel down in the dumps.

Lithuania, Baltic Times: “Blind Driver Strikes Again”
Put him in charge of America, he couldn’t do any worse than our blind

Denmark, Copenhagen Post: “Greeland’s Robin Hood”
He steals icycles from the rich and gives them to the Eskimos.

China, Shaghai Times: “Dog Takes Pleasure In Owner’s Pasttime”
Does this mean Bush’s dog is going to invade cat homes seeking claws of
mass destruction?

Bhutan, Himalaya Times: “Mandela Still On US Terrorist List”
The Bush administration can’t be blamed for being careful, after all he is from
a country that never attacked the US. That, in itself, is suspicious.