The media reported that an American drone had killed 38 militants who were meeting in a house in North Waziristan so we decided to interview the drone which had carried out the attack. After all, it was on the scene of action and would know exactly what happened.
Me: May I call you, number 157?
D: OK with me.
M: Could you please tell us what happened?
D: Sure. Since I am a drone I am not able to lie. I must always tell the truth. I received reports from my handlers in Virginia to fly over this house in North Waziristan and blow up a building where militant leaders were discussing strategy of how to carry out more raids on innocent people. I did what I was told.
M: A local tribesman,Zia-ur-Rehman, told Reuters, and I quote: “It wasn’t a militant gathering but a meeting of tribal elders from Ismail Khan village to sort out differences over a business deal.” He said villagers thought the object was a car driving through the area.
D: Who exactly are you going to believe– a tribesman from the area or my handlers in Virginia?”
M: Well, wouldn’t the tribesman who was there know something about what happened?
D: No local tribesman knows as much as this drone.
M: Was there a car in the area?
D: Of course there were cars in the area, but the target was the house.
M: How do you know, flying thousands of feet in the air who is in the house?
D: Sorry, classified information. But, we do know. We know exactly who is in each house in Pakistan.
M: So, you know when a house is filled with either village elders or militant?
D: Of course, we are the CIA!
M: You sound so certain.
D: I told you, I am a Drone, we are always right because we are drones.
Case closed. The dead were militants.