The following events will never happen.

Republican leaders will focus on solving the health issues of America.

The Chicago Cubs will win the world series.

Obama will turn white skinned and return America to the land it used to be–run by white men.

Rush Limbaugh will express an intelligent idea.

The NRA will accept reasonable limitations on gun use.

Dick Cheney will admit he made a mistake.

American and NATO troops will leave Afghanistan.

Israel leaders will respect the rights of Palestinians.

Ayatollah Khamenei will espouse Muslim beliefs about tolerance and peace.

People will sit down at a bagel shop without first wiping the table with a napkin.