Let Kids Mine Coal!

Newt Gingrich is quite right when the man with a golden hand says, “you are going to see from me extraordinarily radical proposals to fundamentally change the culture of poverty in America.” Newt is a man of ideas and unlike Mitt willing to shout to the world his proposals for change. “It is tragic what we do in poorest neighborhood entrapping children in, first of all, child labor laws, which are truly stupid.” For example, he wants schools to fire custodians and pay kids to do the school’s dirty work. I assume firing custodians is part of his “create jobs program.”

Newt, in my Depression elementary school we kids cleaned the place and –DID NOT GET PAID. It was our school and teachers told us to clean it, so we did. I have heard from secret sources details of the extraordinary new child labor laws Newt will propose:

1.   Children will be apprenticed to shop keepers who can teach them a trade rather than having them waste time in school.

2.   There is no reason young girls should waste time. The Newt Plan calls for “Female Prostitute Brigade” which allows girls to earn money as young as fourteen.

3.   There are still opportunities in coal mines for seven year old boys to crawl through tight holes and dig up the coal.

4.    Among the most radical of his ideas is reintroducing slavery and offering girls and boys opportunities to work for wealthy folk as nannies, waiters and butlers.