Letter From A Whale To Japan

Dear Prime Minister Shinzo Abe

I write this letter to the leader of what some humans regard as an important nation in the world. I do understand that Japanese people have some sort of love affair with we whales. I am touched by your understanding of how we want to live, and, even more touched by your concern for our welfare. I was thrilled to learn that you told a committee in your Parliament that among the most important goals in your life is securing the welfare of we whales. You made clear the need to engage in whaling expeditions “in order to obtain scientific information indispensable to the management of whale resources.”

Gee, imagine that an important world leader cares about whales. In fact, you care so much about us that you are even willing to eat us. I assume eating a whale makes you happy. Gee, I so wish to make people in Japan happy. By the way, could you share with we whales some of that “scientific information” that you obtain from killing and eating us?