Life In The Fantasy Of Mugabeland!

There is a land far away in which a wondrous Prince St. Bobby rules as only gallant prince can in a world in which there is poverty and hunger. At night, the brave Prince St. Bobby, gathers children around the fire and recounts tales of his bravery against the hated “colonists” and when children ask for food, he smiles, and announces he has something better to offer– more tales of his brave exploits in the wars against the bad, bad colonialists. Of course, there are always evil enemies who linger in the dark and help the bad colonists, but brave St. Bobby is not afraid. In times of darkness he sends his wife, the beautiful princess, on shopping trips in order to bring light into the darkness of Mugabeland which is surrounded by evil goblins and ghosts.

St. Bobby has a rival, the evil Morgan T., who demands that St. Bobby allow evil people to have power such as deciding who is in the police, but St. Bobby knows evil Morgan T. wants those who are starving to get jobs and bread. St. Bobby loves his people and if he allowed them to have bread and jobs they would become lazy and gain weight. He so wants people to be thin and lean so they will be healthy in poverty and become fast runners to win races in the Olympics.

Now, the evil and crafty enemies of St. Bobby spread tales that he only rewards his friends and allies, but the people of Mugabeland know it is better for them that all evil colonialists are gone along with their productive farms and jobs. Mugabeland people are much happier because who needs bread and hospitals if it means the friends of St. Bobby could not run farms into the ground?

There are legends spreading through Mugabeland that the evil Morgan T. wants to have is people in charge of the police and army. St. Bobby has tried over and over again to explain that power sharing means I have the power and Morgan T. shares in knowing that I have the power. Undoubtedly, evil Morgan T’s mind has been captured by the evil witches of England who spend their evenings casting spells over those who do not adore St. Bobby.

I have heard it told that St. Bobby wanders the fields of Mugabeland at night sighing over each dead body that has been killed by the evil colonialists. On some nights his friend, Count Thabo, from neighboring Mbekiland sits around the campfire where both share exploits from their brave days fighting the evil English demons. The people of Mugabeland sleep peacefully each night, in fact, so peacefully, they probably never will awake. Thank God for St. Bobby whose only goal is to make Mugabeland a place in which all the people have gone except for soldiers, and police, and the court of St. Bobby.