Our Intrepid Reporter did NOT obtain an interview with Rudy G, but if he had obtained one, there is scant doubt the following exchange would have occurred. Sometimes, a fictional interview offers more interesting insights than reality. So, here goes with the interview that NEVER HAPPENED.
Me: Tell me, Rudy G. wouldn’t it have been important for you to be on the Hamilton-Baker commission which studied policies toward Iraq?
Rudy G. Oh, you mean those people who wanted to talk about Iraq? They were into reading books and reports and all that stuff. I’m a man of action, had better things to do for this nation.
Me: The committee met on April 11, 2006. Couldn’t you at least have been at the session?
Rudy G. I had an important meeting that day at an economic conference in Korea. I gave a brilliant speech, and, more importantly, received $200,000 for it. Those guys on that Hamilton-Baker group actually wanted me to talk to them without offering a single dollar!
Me: What about the meeting on May 18, 2006?
Rudy G. I had a much more important meeting to attend — Atlanta businessmen and they gave me $100,000.
Me: Are you saying speaking for money is more important than working with an important study group seeking to device plans for Iraq policy?
Rudy G. The business of America is business. Making money is what keeps the economic wheels of this society moving.”
Me: But, don’t you as a man claiming to be a leader have responsibilities to do service for your nation?
Rudy G. The best service I can perform for this nation is generating income. Each dollar I earn makes America one dollar richer. America is not served by a bunch of men and women sitting around studying policy in Iraq. If you spend time worrying about Iraq it leaves less time studying how to make money. Which comes first, money or some stupid war in Iraq?
Me: Did you serve your country during the Vietnam War?
Rudy G. Of course, I did, by remaining alive. If Rudy G. had been killed in Vietnam, there would be no Rudy G. today wandering America giving speeches and making money for this great nation. Remember, I’m America’s mayor. I’m the one who stood up against al-Qaeda on September 11, and I never once asked for a single dollar for my performance that day. Doesn’t that speak volumes about my love for this nation? An entire day wandering streets and never earning a single dollar!
Me: By the way, have you ever visited Iraq?
Rudy G. I have many commitments all over this nation and the world. My time commitments simply don’t allow time off to visit our wonderful fighting men and women. But, more importantly, my heart yearns for them. I assure all Americans that one day, when I have a break in my busy schedule, I will spend at least an entire day in Iraq — and I will not ask request a single penny for speaking with our wonderful servicemen.
Me: Sir, that’s a wonderful act of courage on your part — an entire payless day. Wow!
Rudy G. I always get tough when the going gets tough. Oh, excuse me, a phone call. Well, sorry, can’t waste any more time on this Iraq business, back to the business of making money. By the way, The Impudent Observer will receive my bill for $50,000.
Me: God bless you, Rudy G. As long as you are around, America is a safer place and you are a wealthier man.