We offer ideas for new holidays in America.

COFFEE DAY: This is to celebrate the end of the Tea Party as an important facet of our political system.

POVERTY DAY: On this day each person who fits into the classification of being in poverty receives a free aspirin to help with the headache of being poor.

MICHELLE OBAMA DAY: Wealthy women don old sneakers and hand out soup to the poor.

US APPRECIATION DAY: American society expresses its love of millionaires by giving each one a key to the US Treasury Building. Why not walk in the front door instead of sneaking in the back.

GLENN BECK CELEBRATION DAY: Muslims are required to draw lines leading from their homes to al-Qaeda headquarters in Pakistan.

SARAH PALIN DAY: Each American woman is required to shoot either a grizzly bear or a deer.

NRA DAY: Each American is given the legal right to shoot a Socialist or a Gay.

RON PAUL DAY: No taxes are paid by any American to any government body. Of course, it is also the day we get rid of surplus police and firemen.

CONGRESSIONAL APPRECIATION DAY: Each member of Congress is given a free lecture on economics by Paul Krugman.

GEORGE BUSH MEMORIAL DAY: George Bush read on TV the names of those Americans who died in Iraq while seeking WMD.