New Republican Candidate: Mewtmansanpaerry

We are proud to be the first media outlet which has an opportunity to present ideas  of the latest candidate for the  Republican nomination for the  presidency of this great land. Mewtmansanpaerry is a transgender person who has strong views regarding what America needs in order to restore peace, prosperity and the Christian way of life. She/he is not afraid to take stands as long as it is clear taking a stand on Monday does not mean the stand remains on Friday. He/she wants the American people to understand this country needs a leader whose favorite animal is a chamelon. This country needs a she/he who will say anything in order to get elected. We offer the Mewtmansanpaerry program:

1. We need to end the disparity of wealth in this land by moving toward one in which the top 1% possess 95% of our wealth.

2. We need job creators. We need corporate executives who will offer millions of new jobs paying $4 an hour in order to get this country moving ahead.

3. Americans have to cease whining and complaining because they lack health insurance. Run a mile each day, cut back on bad foods, take an aspirin daily and there  is no need to see doctors and waste money on hospitals.

4. Take a page from good old Adolf Hitler who was told soldiers were wasting bullets killing Jews. Why not just establish gas chambers for those illegal immigrants coming across the border and just gas the whole lot of them? Actually, their bodies could be used as fertilizer and help American farmers.

5. Restore God to the classroom. A Cross in each room, getting on one’s knees each morning to pray to our Lord, Jesus Christ will not only make knees of children stronger, but it will  make clear we are a Christian people–and that includes Mormons.

6. End all this talk about Iran. We have hundreds of atomic bombs. Blast away and wipe out the entire population of Iran. Heck, they aren’t even Christians!

7. Each major city will have one of its sport teams allowed to win a championship.

8. No person who officially states he/she is gay will be allowed to publicly smile or laugh.

9. We promise to return to the good old days when there were maids, butlers and darkies working in the fields.

10. Eating Chinese food will not be allowed until China cancels our debts.