New Year Gifts

We have decided to send gifts to several important people as the new year arrives:

1. Ted Cruz– A history of the United States so he actually has some knowledge concerning the role of government in the past beginning with the National Road, the Louisiana Purchase, bridges, the Transcontinental railroad, etc…

2. John McCain— he has a set of coloring books with Sarah Palin roaming the wilderness.

3. Barack Obama– a nice sturdy and healthy backbone.

4. Bashar al-Assad— A free one way plane trip to Paraguay where he can share memories with dead Nazis.

5. John Boehner– a robot who slams into the wall any and all members of the Tea Party

6. Alex Rodriguez– a free “get out of jail” card.

7. Rand Paul– A new last name so people don’t get him mixed up with the other Paul.

8. Vladimir Putin— a brand new KGB headquarters with spacious rooms to torture.

9. Hillary Clinton– a new law that prevents anyone from using the word, Benghazi in any shape or form.

10. To anyone earning over $200,000 a year– legislation that ensures each and everyone of you job creators can not pay at a tax rate over 2% so you can devote your time creating jobs at $7.45 an hour.