The latest communique from Republican headquarters contained the following message-”All Quiet On The Stupid Front.” We can report the following incidents related to Republicans:
1. There have been no reported citing of God nor are there any pictures of Him hugging Michele or Rick during one of the informative discussions presented courtesy of the Republican party.
2. No woman came forth yesterday to claim she had a relationship with Herman Cain. However, his wife is willing to state that she has slept with him and they DID engage in sex.
3. Rick and the other Rick argued over who was the better Christian. It was a tie.
4. Michele came out against any form of minimum wage. What else can one expect from someone with a minimum knowledge of economics?
5. Mitt only contradicted himself once today. This set a record for the man who loses his memory regarding what he said yesterday.
6. Since he had nothing better to do yesterday, Newt wrote a history of the United States. He dared any liberal to write a quicker history of this nation.
7. A man who escaped from the local mental asylum stumbled onto the platform and uttered something about illegal immigrants. He ended the day with 12% of Republicans supporting him for president.
8. Fox News announced a new contest: “Be Tomorrow’s Republican nominee for President.” We will support anyone who can get through the day without a sexual encounter or a stupid remark.
9. Newt announced he was divorcing his wife. Christian fundamentalist cheered him for acknowledging his sin and committing another sin.
10. There are unconfirmed reports that Dick Cheney will shortly announce his candidacy for president and will ask Don Rumsfeld to be his running mate.