Newt Applies For Janitor Job

Newt Gingrich has decided to apply for a position as a janitor in a public school. First of all, he has experience in shoveling shit, he knows how to cover up for his mistakes by pretending none were made and when it comes to polishing a floor, this man knows how to polish words. Newt has identified a sure fire program which will end poverty and give jobs to those at the bottom of the economic heap. He wants to fire school custodians and allow poor kids to take over their jobs. He terms his idea: “Create Jobs By Firing.”

Oh, there are some minor issues such as that janitors work with chemicals, have to know how to fix electrical appliances and spend hours stooping over and cleaning and cleaning. Think of it this way, if you are black, your ancestors toiled under such conditions so if I have you spend hours each day cleaning up vomit it is simply an opportunity to recall the wonderful days of slavery.

As of today, there are no reports that Newt has applied for a janitor job. Now, if you want him to consult on cleaning up schools he will teach the history of custodians for the low rate of $200,000.