NOBODY ASKED ME BUT,

Each week we present the rambling biased thoughts of a 77 year old American who is commenting on the human condition.

Nobody Asked Me But,

I was at a funeral. Why do people mumble when speaking about the dead. Shout what you have to say.

If the Chinese female gymnasts are 16 years old I am headed for China. I guess it’s the water that makes people look so young.

It was August 15 and children were entering a school. What ever happened to bringing in the harvest?

I spend an inordinate amount of my life worrying about which line to use at the checkout n a supermarket. I always select the wrong one.

At age 78 when attending a funeral there is always sadness mixed with a tinge of satisfaction I am not the one being discussed.

I prefer the dog days of summer to wintry blasts. Sweat is preferred over shivering.

There was a sign that said: “College Men Faculty Only.” A faculty that shits with students will not piss on them.

I always evaluate the effectiveness of a secretary by her offer of a cup of coffee.

After being away from a regular job for a year, I no not miss meetings but I miss schmoozing with people in the morning.

I am always fascinated by columnists who note George Bush is not making the same mistakes as he did years ago. Unfortunately, dead soldiers and civilians do not get another chance in life to correct mistakes.

I evaluate people on their sense of humor more than on intelligence.

In a parking lot, I spend a few extra minutes making certain I don’t have to back up to leave. I have absolutely no trust in the ability of anyone who is driving a vehicle.

There ought to be a law which requires trucks going up a hill to float on air and then rise skyward.

A meeting that goes past an hour will never solve any problem except for creating the problem of wasting people’s time.

I am always fascinated at the number of injuries to athletes during training seasons. What do these guys do when they are not playing– drink beer all day?

I wonder when I get to Heaven if I will be required to cover my head and face.

I have never seen an angel who is portrayed as vicious. Does this mean when we die we lose all our human qualities?

I sometimes think God spends his time as a stand up comic in some dingy nightclub. How else to explain the number of jokers who hold public office?

I have been wondering all day if there is a Starbucks in Heaven. I know McDonalds can’t get in because God worries about his stomach.

I saw this delightful little four year old walking around in a blue dress and feeling so proud. Who says there are no biological differences between the sexes?

I am amazed at the muscles on athletes at the Olympics. Heck, you could place my entire chest into one of their muscles.

Humanity got along for thousands of years without cell phones. Now that we have them does this mean we will now be able to communicate with one another?

I sometimes think young people today get a a frontal lobotomy when they enter school that removes all knowledge of their nation’s past.

One will never know exactly what was learned in life until after death.

John Edwards had an affair like about half this nation. The illness of a loved one can cause people to seek the warmth of love elsewhere because of fear. I never judge anyone who is seeking love, regardless of the reason for the love.

People in pizza places speak very loud. Is it something in the dough?

Brenda called to tell me she wanted to help me solve my financial problems. I asked for her phone number so I could call her back to give her advice about her children’s education. She hung up.

A college faculty person told me he only values what is told him by people who have advanced degrees. I prefer the knowledge of a plumber because at least he makes certain toilets in a school are working so they can get rid of the shit spoken by faculty that is coming out of classrooms.