Each week we offer the biased views on the human condition by a 78 year old person.

Nobody Asked Me But,

If a woman sits down for lunch, gets a concerned look on her face, jumps up and leaves the restaurant, you can bet she is hurrying for her cell phone.

My approach to dieting is simple. I take a bite out of a donut or lick from an ice cream cone and then throw them away.

My white hair provokes respect from students. However, I suspect it is akin to saluting the uniform, not the man.

“Settle up” for lunch invariably creates confusion, awkward moments of stumbling for money and unstated feelings of “how come I paid so much.”

A single elderly woman who smiles at me immediately arouses feelings of romance.

John McCain never met a conflict that could be ended by sending in some bombers.

America will be a happy and energy wise nation when bikes fill our streets.

I can never understand how the United States and China can each claim they “won the Olympics.” Australia and Great Britain with much smaller populations got half the medals of the large nations.

If this was 1936 and we had CNN, I can just imagine a CNN interview: “Herr Hitler, please tell the viewing audience about your wonderful new program to construct housing for Jews.”

I prefer soup at lunch than at dinner. I don’t know why.

Why do two men each read books at lunch. Heck, lunch is a time for conversation.

A white haired man who has a white mustache tinged with black is, by definition, distinguished looking. That sure ain’t me.

I never received my tax rebate. I fear contacting the IRS because I don’t want to call attention to myself.

I watched a man back his car into parking spot even though by driving twenty feet ahead there was no need to back up. Now, you know why obesity overwhelms this nation.

Is Dick Cheney still alive? He has become the most secretive vice president since John Garner in 1933 who once defined the importance of being vice president to a bucket of warm spit.

Why does my mind become filled with visions of intrigue when a single woman enters a bagel shop at 3:00 p.m?

Is it an oxymoron to say “pudgy policeman?” Either one is pudgy or a policeman, but the two simply don’t mix.

Sarah Palin says she has executive experience because she was mayor of a town of 5,000. I guess this means a woman running a bordello also has executive experience.

If one asks for “butter on the side” you receive more butter than if the bagel is buttered for you. Why?

I drink orange juice if any illness hits me. My Jewish mother who was an expert on disease made me understand a combination of orange juice and chicken soup cures all illnesses.

Republicans are excited about a “soccer mom.” Funny, they are not excited about a “waitress mom” who could use health care and early childhood assistance. Oh, I forgot, such things are part of “evil government.”

Labor Day has lost its union historical sense. It is just another holiday to those under 30.

I always debate whether to purchase a lottery ticket in a gas station or a supermarket. For some reason, I believe the gas station offers me a better chance of winning.

  • santa

    For many persons in the world PEACE ON EARTH means that all of a sudden the one most important US INDUSTRY comes to a halt. It is quiet obvious for most people on this planet who can analyse the global daily issues that while this INDUSTRY remain the core US bussiness it does not matter wether those in power are DEMS or REPS. It is sufficient to look up the COST OF WAR and the FISCAL BUDGET for 2009 to understand BIG BIZ and all the suffering yet to come. Is it not time for US voters to get acquainted with facts of what it means to be in the US Senate or any other high level gov. post and moreover the White House?

  • Fred Stopsky

    Nobody asked me but, I believe in peace, justice, and the end of poverty. Now, how to attain these goals,……