Each week we present the rambling thoughts of a 78 year old American who is trapped in the body of a 12 year-old. Nothing he writes is based on any factual data.

Nobody Asked Me But,

Baseball umpires are the only referees in sport who have pot bellies.

I expect nods from fellow walkers.

I have the right to sit in a booth all alone at lunch when couples are forced to sit at tables. I got there first.

I never wipe a seat on the theory one touche is as good as another.

A non-functioning headlight deserves a warming, not a ticket. I don’t have eyes in back of my head.

I still find the sight of a taller woman with a shorter man unusual.

A girl who just got engaged walks over to her friend with a beaming smile holding out the left hand. After the hugs, eyes look downward. I wonder how that same person feels a year from now.

I have not watched a boxing match since Muhammad Ali. After the King, the rest are pygmies.

A woman and man dressed in gym shorts at lunch are not headed back to the office.

I never got into long hair. My army training has always remained in my mind.

I rarely lick my finger or mouth while eating. I am not a monkey.

I often wonder how human communication would function if people had to hold hands behind their backs.

I have the right to say hello to a woman who sat next to me last week at the next table since we now have a relationship.

The New York Yankees are not in the playoffs. The sun rose today. I guess God simply is not that upset.

China has men walking around in space. America has men walking around Wall Street without jobs. Is this the future?

I enjoy the moment of solitude at 1:00 p.m. after the lunch crowd has left and and I am all alone with my thoughts.

I wonder if John McCain accompanies Sarah Palin to the rest room. I guess he allows her to control defecation that emanates from her body. He gets scared when she is talking crap from her mouth.

I trust all care mechanics. They know things I do not.

I wonder if people will be on street corners selling apples as they did in my youth. Back then, one could get an apple for a nickel. Somehow, I doubt that will be the price in 2009.

I halted at a stop sign and my eyes became glued on a traffic light a half block away. Finally, I returned to reality when the honks of horns filled the air.

People I encounter these days have bewildered looks on their faces. They have lost faith in Congress or the business world to solve their problem. Somehow, I doubt if one in a million thinks McCain- Palin has any answers.

Men work as mechanics and women are secretaries. Is it reversed anywhere in America?

A group of workers engaged in solving a problem will eventually find a solution. A group of college professors engaged in solving a problem will appoint a committee to study what is needed to solve the problem.

I was given my Missouri Driver’s license and no one bothered me except to ask for $10.

A single car pulled over to the side on the highway which resulted in a massive gridlock because cars must slow down to see the sight of a car pulled over.