Each week, we offer the biased views of a 78 year-old man commenting on human life.


Olive Garden these days is skimping on the salad and trying to find a tomato is an expedition into the unknown.

I love George Clooney as an actor but he must have been brain dead to make this atrocious film, “Leatherheads.”

I saw a woman reading Girl Scout rules to a group of girls. Somehow, a group of girl scouts eating bagels is incongruous.

I have a special talent. I invariably wind up behind the driver who slows down for each street in order to check the name.

The most frantic feeling in life is reaching into a purse or pocket and not finding the car keys.

I feel over-charged if I have to pay more than $1.25 for a hamburger. Actually, I feel over-charged if I pay more than a nickel for a bottle of milk. I am a Depression child.

At age 78, I wish there was a department store that sold body replacement parts.

I always hit a restaurant at 5:15 p.m. to avoid the dinner crowd. The army made me detest waiting on lines.

Months have gone by without a Paris Hilton saga. I guess she is working as a grave yard digger.

A young man displayed an agitated face when I held the door open for him. I suspect he feels he is betraying his grandparents by allowing an old geezer to hold open a door.

Postal clerks are the most polite government employees.

I always become confused about which side of a heating pad to use.

I only wear tee-shirts which contain pockets.

I wonder who was the first businessman who sold something for $1.99. And, why did he do it?

John McCain likes Joe the Plumber. I prefer Jane, the average American.

In my childhood, the customer brought the paper bag to take home purchases.

I wandered into an “all the pizza you can eat,” place. I suspect not many people wind up eating all you can eat.

I admire parents who home school their children. They must have the patience of angels.

I do not enjoy or want to listen to another person’s cell phone conversation. I honestly don’t care what happened to Marilyn on her date.

I get this feeling of being left out when I leave a building behind a group that is headed for lunch. How come no invitation for me?

There is no more joyous feeling in life for a New York Giant fan than watching a team defeat the Dallas Cowboys in overtime.

I received a mailing from Missouri Republican Party Headquarters informing me that Bill Ayers was a terrorist. I am waiting for the next mailing about George Bush, the terrorist.

In modern America, manufacturers of candy bars either raise the price or reduce the size of the candy bar.

Students on the last night of a class suddenly become serious about work. Now, as to responsibilities….

I always have a moment of indecision when in the distance I hear and see an ambulance approaching. Should I remain where I am or go off to the side?

Every time I rub my nose, my eyes glance around and I want to shout to all who can see me, “it’s a rub, not a pick!”

Clerks should not ask, “paper or plastic.” They should simply give paper.