Each week, we offer the rambling thoughts of a 78 year-old man on the human condition.

Nobody Asked Me But,

I can understand the expression, “I’ll whip your butt,” but why would anyone say, “I’ll wipe your ass?”

People who mumble a message on the phone should be beheaded at high noon.

Motorcycle people who park their motor bike immediately remove the helmet. I have never seen one enter a restaurant while still having the helmet on his head.

A $100 fine should be levied on anyone speaking on his cell phone whose conversation can be heard three feet away.

A hearing aid enables me to hear more clearly. The flip side is I now hear sounds I have never heard before and never want to hear again.

If two people in a fast food place order a meal, is the person ordering responsible for the napkins or is the person who doesn’t speak responsibe?

I don’t think a child should be sat down on the counter where all sorts of people are congregating and sneezing and such.

If you see three young men together the law of probability declares at least one is wearing a cap.

A person ordering a meal in a fast food restaurant is entitled to the soda cup prior to arrival of food in order to be prepared.

The women’s rest room door in this restaurant had a door handle but the men’s rest room did not and all one had to do is push. What is the statement being made?

How can a grandmother take a tiny child to McDonalds and give the kid food. She is a grandmother, for god’s sake!

There is something very sad about a man in his sixties sitting by himself nursing a cold drink.

Women who work in fast food places have permission to speak with single men.

The first person who rises from the table has a right to lean down and take a French Fy off the plate of another person.

There are people who walk straight to the door and leave and there are those who check pockets and purses.

I rarely see a tall man with a thin man. I wonder why?

My printer would not cease printing. It only goes to prove that printers have free will.

I am 78 and just came back from a two mile walk when some young twerp challenged me to a foot race. I would have held my own before the walk.

I have never understood why God allows this Devil character to hang around. Isn’t he God for God’s sake!

I stopped seeing “Raider Of The Lost Ark” flicks a few years ago. The essence of greatness is knowing when to stop.

A friend who was in the air force recently commented to me that John McCain acts and thinks like a fighter pilot while Obama acts like the squadron leader. I like the metaphor.

Is it possible for Sarah Palin to express a sentence without using–the American flag, we real Americans, or Bill Ayers– in it?

Customers do not get plastic of paper bags in Aldi’s supermarkets. Why isn’t the same rule in all supermarkets?

If Lou Dobbs is an “independent” then what is a John McCain supporter? I never watched his show until recently, but after three minutes of his pretentious bombastic bullshit, I tune him out.

These days every gas station sells food and drink. How can they survive unless it proves no Americans eat or drink at home.