NOBODY ASKED ME BUT,

I saw a dog walking a man. I didn’t stop to see if it picked up his poop.

A baby was brought over to a table. The men stood and waved, the women held the baby. Gender differences?

I am naive. I am shocked it violence breaks out on Christmas day.

Many people did not buy on December 26 because they expect further discounts.

Little children always say hello to me. They know I am a child at heart.

My wife first puts milk in the cup and then pours in the coffee. I pour the coffee and then add milk and Sweet & Low. This issue is among the more important ones in our marriage.

The marvel of modern life is having fresh delicious cherries from Chile in January.

I purchase a Scratch Off lottery ticket once a month for my monthly moment of anticipation as I rub the ticket. I never win.

I do not recall in my youth ever seeing a woman wearing a baseball cap. Heck in my immigrant neighborhood, the women didn’t even know there was baseball.

Never stand behind an old fart like me in the Men’s Rest room. As we grow older, it comes out slower.

I saw more people at the Fitness Center on January 1 than at any other place.

I received a call on New Year’s day from Steve who wanted to clear up my debt problems. On New Year’s Day!!

I never see any film which depicts a great teacher who inspires his class and at the end they all are successful and happy. Teaching, unlike short term car salesmen, is a long loop occupation and one never knows success or failure for many years. And, NO class ever was successful, a few students maybe, but never the entire class.

January 1 Bowl games were boring blowouts.

An ad on January 2 said 80% off. Just 20% more and I’m ready to buy.

My first New Year’s resolution was having a haircut. I always begin with something I can control and succeed in achieving.

I saw a sign saying gas was $1.49. I dashed for the next gas station which still had the $1.29 price. I felt so smart and virtuous.

I prefer crime solvers like Monk who use their wits instead of Law and Order or CSI use of technology to solve crimes.

I wonder what percent of Americans actually make breakfast in the morning.

The only real hatred in my life is directed towards the Dallas Cowboys. I smirk knowing they are not in the playoffs.

My phobia in life is paying every bill by December 31. I want to begin the New Year at least feeling solvent.

If a movie has “Disney” or “child star” or “animals” in it, I prefer watching a blank screen.

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    Your blog reminds me of Steven Wright…a comedian that you don’t hear from much any more. Some of his best lines were:

    I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

    OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

    If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

    How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

    Ed Harris