Each week, we offer some comments on the human condition from a young mind trapped in the body of a 78 year old man.

Nobody Asked Me But,

At five degrees, I dream of my youth in Januarys spent in rainy San Francisco.

If I was a policeman, I would remain in the car on cold days and never see speeders.

There is something magical about a one year old striding down the corridor with self assurance.

Do they have seasons in Heaven? Or, is Heaven divided into climate zones?

A death of a famous person past the age of 75 should not be reported or placed deep inside the newspaper. I’m 78, and what should I think when someone dies at 80?

In summer, I park at the far end of a parking lot to get exercise. In winter my exercise consists of breathing cold air.

If four men are walking, the shortest one always carries up the rear.

Does anyone have the number of hair salons named, “The Hair Affair?”

I would love to spend the entire day watching a front door of a mortgage company to see if someone actually enters it.

I never cease being amazed how the media goes wild if a public official hires an illegal immigrant nanny, but is quiet over a president who tortures and lies.

I could never understand why someone wants to be reincarnated as an animal. Given the current economic situation, I already am leading a dog’s life.

In St. Louis it has taken a year to rebuild a mile of Highway 40. I expect they will complete the entire highway a few years after my death.

Adolescence is that period of life in which a pimple on the face is among humankind’s worse tragedies.

I never know whether to put on my gloves and then get my car keys or vice verse. A modern dilemma.

Gannett newspapers have given all 40,000 employees a week unpaid furlough for economic reasons. One day I will open my door and there will not be a newspaper.

I have a hard time drinking more than two cups of coffee at a time.

A new report says drinking coffee reduces Alzheimers. Could someone please tell me what produces it so I know what to avoid!

Each winter, I recall a poem from Mrs. Klaff’s English class, “if winter’s here, can spring be far behind.”

There should be a law forbidding Catholic school girls from being forced to wear short skirts in winter.

My wife and I are eating more rice. I love the warmth of the first bite of rice.

I endure the loneliness of the long distance loner. I never run with the team or pack.