Obama should read a biography about Harry Truman. It’s time to cease playing Cool Hand Barack and show some of the fire and passion of Harry.

I am furious at my inability to listen in on conversations due to age and hearing loss.

Computers were supposed to end mountains of paper. But, everyone I see with a computer has plenty of paper around.

Every so often I get confused in the toilet, is it self flush or do I handle the task?

I refuse to use any machine to open or close a car door. My hand and key is enough to handle such tasks.

Summer in St. Louis should be a prerequisite for entering Hades.

I was wondering, do we have a copy of Andrew Jackson’s birth certificate? If not, do we erase his presidency from books?

My first executive order as president would be decreeing all work in America is preceded by fifteen minutes of exercise.

I hope St. Peter makes clear to Bernie Madoff when he gets there that Heaven does not allow any Ponzi schemes.

I sometimes wonder whether America would be better or worse off if we had a lottery to decide who is president?

I think any Congressman running for election to that prestigious body should be required to submit a signed document from his mistress asserting to his sexual prowess.

If I was George Bush, I would give a high five to Laura each day to celebrate the fact we are not in Washington D.C.

It is difficult for me to summon empathy for NBA players who believe they are “under valued” because their club only offered $9 million a year.

I have never understood why al-Qaeda uses suicide bombers. Why not stall cars in the Holland Tunnel and George Washington bridge every day if you want to wreck America?