I heard the news of Newt Gingrich’s decision to run for president of the United States. My initial reaction was that his candidacy was a wonderful ploy by the Democrats to ensure an overwhelming victory next year. After listening and viewing Newt, I thought he might be interested in my reaction.

1. Newt, those pictures of you in short pants with a full tummy and a rather large butt are enough in themselves to guarantee any Democrat victory.

2. The speech about Family Values from a guy who has three marriages, and conducted extra-marital affairs for years just won’t get people jumping up from the pew seats with shouts of Halleluah!

3. You are against gays and lesbians because they mock the sanctity of marriage! Look in the mirror.

4. You are against deficits that you supported when proposed by a Republican president??

5. You found Christ. Great. But, Christ preached helping the poor. That is not exactly the tone of your platform.

6. You were a Protestant before becoming a Catholic. How do we know you will not become a Muslim!

7. In light of your current ample body, how about baby pictures?

8. Tiny head on large body leads to tiny vote.

9. A blond bombshell third wife is not as valuable as a tall dark black first wife.

10. I guess you were for immigrants before deciding you were against them.

11. Newt wants to see Barack Obama’s birth certificate. If it is produced he will trump it with Three marriage certificates.

12. Newt says Obama is the worst president in history. Gee, as I recall, a Republican named Nixon had to resign from that office. Of course, Warren Harding had sex with girl friends while in the White House. Now, there is a leader who stirs Newt.

13. Newt is against gays and lesbians who mock the sanctity of marriage. Hmm. Newt, do you really want to emphasize violating the sanctity of marriage?

14. Newt found Christ. Newt, He said love the poor, not fuck the poor.

15. Protest, than Catholic–what next–Muslim?