PERFECT REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE

As our weekly contribution to the cause of public knowledge, we offer our portrayal of the perfect Republican candidate for president of the USA.

The candidate is born in Iowa and has a birth certificate to prove it.

The candidate is a member of the Christian religion.

The candidate found God somewhere between the ages of 21-30.

The grandfather of the candidate was either a coal miner or worked in a steel plant.

The candidate’s wife was a cheerleader in high school or if a male, the class valedictorian.

The candidate had a Jewish room mate in college.

The candidate was wounded in Iraq and life was saved by a black man.

The candidate has four children, one of whom is dying of dying of something.

The candidate is a CEO of  a small firm, and does not hire illegal immigrants.

Lawn care at the house of the candidate is done by illegal immigrants without his/her knowledge.

The candidate on his/her honeymoon visited Mexico.

If elected the candidate promises to begin all meetings with a prayer.

The candidate opposes gay or lesbian marriage, but  did have a gay man at their wedding.

The candidate pays 30% of income in taxes, under protest, that is.

The candidate opposes unemployment money, health care from government, and believes all who are unemployed should receive a free turkey at Thanksgiving.   After that, you are on your own.

The candidate opposes any form of debt, other than a house mortgage.

The candidate’s children are gorgeous to look at.

The candidate promises to sing the Star Spangled Banner at the inauguration.

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