Our Republican friends are struggling to identify someone who could be their nominee for president of the United States of America. In the spirit of fair play and sorrow for the plight of our dear Republican friends(not that I’d marry one of them), we present requirements for the Perfect Republican Candidate:
1. Must be born in the USA and has proof of birth.
2. Must have been a member of the Boy or Girl Scouts and lacks charges against them of sexually molesting any child.
3. Must know the location of England and China, and, of course, Israel since we need votes.
4. Must know who Paul Revere warned, the age when one votes, the names of at least three Cabinet Departments, and be aware, at least, that America withdrew its Ambassador and Embassy officials from Iran in 1980
5. Must never ever say any derogatory comment about anyone who earned over $1 million last year.
6. Understands those without jobs in this country are simply lazy.
7. Must have been married to the same person at least ten years. After that, some margin exists for having a divorce.
8. Must believe in Jesus Christ as Our Savior even if Jewish.
9. Must be able to recite the 1st Commandment of the Republican Party with eyes closed: “We Will Never Vote For A Tax Increase.”
10. Must never ever claim to have read two history books –in one year.
11. Must possess at least two million dollars. Inherited money is OK.
12. Must oppose any form of abortion.
13. Must not only oppose gun control but hunt at least once per month.
14. On penalty of death, must never ever say a kind word about Barack Obama.
15. Must promise if elected to go to the border with Mexico and wave as illegal immigrants are sent back home.
16. Must have a lot of hair on head.
17. Must promise if elected to read the Sunday comics to children right after they get home from church.
18. Must provide proof from at least 100 years that no member of the family ever voted for a Democrat.
19. Must promise to have Muslim children in schools sit in the front of the classroom so they can always be observed.
20. Must promise to support torture of any Muslim caught doing anything.