Petraeus On Afghanistan War

General Petraeus will shortly be leaving Afghanistan and returning to a nice desk job in Washington D.C. He made a tour of the region in which American, NATO and Afghan forces are confronting the Taliban and offered words of caution. He pointed out that when, “we have a spring offense ongoing, the Taliban also have a spring offense and we have sen the Taliban try to carry out sensational attacks, and in some cases be successful.” The general warned that whatever progress has been made in making Afghanistan a secure nation from the enemy is a very “fragile” outcome that could be “reversible.” He is concerned that American and NATO forces will be turning over security in several regions to the army of Afghanistan. It is clear that General Petraeus fears the work to create security could be betrayed by a corrupt Afghan army. So what to do?

1. We might agree with the Taliban not to have a spring offense if they don’t have a spring offense.

2. We might coordinate our spring offense with the spring offense of the Taliban

3. We might try to have a winter offense and end the spring offense.

4. We might suggest to the Taliban that an American general will lead their spring offense and a Taliban general could lead the American spring offense.

5. We might ask President Karzai to lead our spring offense since this will ensure it is a disaster and we can get the hell out of the country.

6. We might ask drug lords in Afghanistan to lead the spring offense to sell opium and at least make some money out of the spring offense.

7. We might ask Rudy Giuliani to head the spring offense since he already saved America after 9/11 and he could save us once again.

8. We could ask Sarah Palin to make a bus tour in Afghanistan to bring the nation together and do away with spring offenses.

9. We could insist the Taliban show their birth certificates before firing weapons during a spring offense.

10. We could ask Mitt Romney to lead a spring offense since it would halt in the middle while he creates a new strategy for a spring offense.

  • Misha

    Correction. Number 10. should read as

    “while he creates a new strategy for next spring’s spring offense as he backtracks on last spring’s spring offense strategy amidst this spring’s spring offense.”

    Better, yes?