Protect Straight Rights!

Republican Rep. Duncan Hunter is on a crusade to protect the rights of those who serve in the armed forces from being compelled to sleep or eat or talk with any of “those people.” He introduced a new bill which would “ensure that a member of the Armed Forces under their jurisdiction is not pressured to approve of another person’s sexual conduct if that sexual conduct is contrary to the personal principles of the member.” OK, so how about?

1. No Protestant should be compelled to sleep near one of those Catholics who takes his marching orders from the Pope!

2. No member of the Armed Forces should be compelled to sleep within twenty feet of anyone who farts at night!

3. No member of the Armed Forces should be compelled to sleep within thirty feet of anyone who eats bacon or pork to ensure my Jewish nostrils are not impacted by those filthy immoral smells!

4. Most important, no member of the Armed Forces should be compelled to be in close proximity to any member of the Republican Party in order to ensure his/her brain does not get contaminated by nonsense!