Putin Calls Barack

Due to our multifaceted staff which numbers in the thousands we are now able to monitor any, and all phone calls on planet Earth. Due to this vast spy network which numbers at least one person, we were able to tap into the phone line of Vladimir Putin who recently made a phone call to Barack Obama. We can now present what he said to the president of the United States.

P Hi, Barack, just got off the phone with Fox News Rupert Murdoch who offered thanks to me and the Russian people for taking over the Crimea.
B Perhaps, after completing your presidency in ten years, you most probably will become a commentator for Fox News. Great gig.
P John, that is John Boehner, offered me membership in something called the Tea Party, he said that I am a great American patriot.
P Barack, let’s face it, you have Republicans and I have these gay dissidents who hate my guts.
B So, what’s with this Ukraine stuff?
P It was Monday, things were quiet and I wondered how to make CNN by the evening.
B Any idea how long this will go on?
P I have an offer from CNN to continue for another month, it is wonderful for their ratings.
B How much?
P Let! Perhaps, we can form our own lobby company and make gobs and gobs of money?
B So, calm it down for a bit.
P Will do, but CNN will be angry.
B Say, care for a nice health plan?
P Just look at my chest. Healthy, wealthy and wise!