Races You Will Never See!

There is an event in Finland which allows men carrying their wives to compete with other such couples in order to identify who can most quickly bear the burden of a wife on your shoulders. Taisto Mettinen and his companion(actually, not his wife, but a friend) Kristine Haapanen, for the third year in a row won the contest of all contests– carry your wife for 253 metres through an obstacle course. We thought America could use similar contests of strengths.

1. Sarah Palin matched against Michele Bachmann in a womanly contest of which one can carry a bear on her shoulders and run an obstacle course. Frankly, we think Sarah will barely win this contest of wills.

2. Newt Gingrich carrying a lobbyist on his shoulders as his dodges paper bullets thrown by members of the media.

3. Ron Paul runs alone in a race in order to prove libertarians CAN win political races.

4. Mitt Romney carries his wife half way in a race, dumps her and picks up another woman in order to prove he can stay the course.

5. Congressman John Boehner carries two gallons of tea in order to prove he is truly a Tea Party follower.

6. Barack Obama carries a load of speeches he gave while running for the presidency on one shoulder and on the other he carries speeches given since becoming president.

7. Glenn Beck carries a load of straight lines on a straight path to the finish line.

8. Rush Limbaugh carries a load of shit to prove he can not only speak shit, but carry it as well.