i confess to being a card-carrying liberal socialist commie, but my heart still remains in America. I want the Republican Party to field a candidate for president in 2012 that can offer America two choices for leader. We have found that man, examine his credentials.
Name: Joe Forrest
Born: July 4, 1070
Birth Certificate: Yes. It is signed by Michael Brown and he supplied his birth certificate.
Place: Jackson, Mississippi
American Heritage; Great, great, great, great Grandfather was Bedford Forrest, general in Confederate army and founder of KKK.
Education. Graduated from high school, two years in community college.
Occupation: Hedge Fund expert
Married to Woman: Yes.
Wife: Jill Stuart, great, great, great, great granddaughter of Jeb Stuart, Confederate general.
Marriage Certificate: Yes. Notarized by Bank Of America employee.
Children: Yes, native born. Two boys and two girls.
Hair Colors: All blond.
Drug Use: Only over-the counter.
Favorite Films: Patton and Gone With The Wind
Favorite Song: God Bless America
Income: $5,000,000 per year.
Health Insurance: Pays doctor for each visit.
Favorite Foods: Hamburgers and Hot Dogs.
Religion: Christian. Sunday is Favorite Day of Week.
Extra Marital Affairs: Only with friends.
African Americans: Some of their best friends are colored folk, not that they want their kids to marry one.
Asians: They eat Chinese once a week. They once took a picture for some Jap visitors in Jackson.
Abortion: Against it.
Deficit: They oppose it.
Medicare: They support private health care model of it.
Raising Taxes on Wealthy: Hell no, that’s OUR money!
America: They say the Pledge of Allegiance each morning before eating.
Gays: They work with one and smile at him every day.
Rumors: They deny emphatically the story about a “menage-a-trois” with Newt Gingrich.
Foreign Policy Ideas: He believes there must be a foreign policy.
Libya: Joe needs a moment to check where it is, he assumes it is near New York City, after all, that is a foreign city.
Poverty: He believes poverty is bad for one’s health.
Education Policy: Teachers are lazy and over-paid, we have to return to the old days when kids learned reading, riting and rithmetic.