After extensive research and investigation we have been able to secure a copy of the secret Republican Pledge of Allegiance which all running for public office must recite from memory.
REPUBLICAN PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE
We pledge allegiance, under God, to US bankers and to the wealth they create for Americans. We promise to give the lords of wealth our money, our souls, our lives so they might enrich themselves betting on hedge funds that raise the price of oil. We enjoy paying through the nose in order to bring prosperity to those who toil in the halls of riches. We shall always remember our beloved dollar sign flag which survived the blasts of liberals during the dark hours of 2009 when all seem lost. We promise never to vote for liberals, socialists, abortionists and any gay person. We humbly thank our Wall Street lords who toil endless hours hedging on nonexistent items that have no worth other than creating wealth for the wealthy. We will always remember it is better to do without health care or jobs or education because to devote our selves to lords of wealth is the surest path on the road to Heaven.
Amen–under God, that is!