During the past several years when Christmas arrives in America, the forces of evil led by Fox News assembly their anger in an outburst of tirades against those deemed to be “liberals.” The new issue that causes hate and conflict in America is the status and purpose of Santa Claus. As I interpret the disciples of Fox News distribution of gifts and goodies to those deemed to belong to the class of “poor folk” is merely an attack upon the historic role of Santa Claus. To members of the Republican Party of America, these are the critical issues facing our society in the fall of 2013:
1. Poor people prefer to obtain presents all year long, not just on Christmas from Santa Claus.
2. The role of Santa is now open to question. Recent evidence from Texas and other southern climes suggest that Santa Claus was born in a northern clime and is prejudiced against white folk who reside in southern climes.
3. That is why Santa initially heads his sleigh south to homes of black skinned people and makes certain they receive plenty of gifts, courtesy of the United States government.
4. As a result of this attack upon the basic principles of Christianity, those who make gobs of money are upset and want an end to handouts to any who are not (a) millionaires, (b) white skinned, (c) believe in the American dream that God created America for the wealthy and Christ came to Earth as his envoy to ensure white skinned wealthy people were covered in dollars.
5. The basis of SantaCare is to give presents, but only to the right people.
I thank God he sent Ted Cruz and the Tea Party to Earth to protect his children of wealth.