We offer Santa gifts for the New Year.
1. Chicago Cubs win the World Series. OK, a hundred years late, but it finally arrived.
2. For American teachers. A new law requires members of Congress to pass the 11th grade American history test prior to writing new laws concerning accountability.
3. Sarah Palin, her own bank.
4. Herman Cain, a monopoly on selling Rolex watches to tourists on 42nd Street.
5. Rick Perry, a magic wand makes him able to count from one to ten.
6. Barack Obama awakes to discover he actually has a set of balls.
7. England receives the gift of ending the Conservative/Liberal coalition.
8. Israel discovers Jews don’t steal land nor do they treat others as second class citizens.
9. Newt Gingrich gains the gift of seeing his self as others see it.
10. Mitt Romney awakes to begin acting as the Mitt Romney of years ago.
11. Nancy Pelosi gains the Speaker role once again.
12. Donald Trump goes bald.
13. All American soldiers return from Afghanistan–alive, that is!
14. Michele Bachmann discovers the God she has been speaking with is really the Devil.
15. I finally figure out what the Geico Ad is selling.
16. Two million new jobs are created in America.