I realize a state of near hysteria has swept the media after reports came of a mysterious object somewhere off the coast of California. I wish to apologize to the American people for this fear scare. As the author of a book dealing with the travels of George Bush to the planet of Xul, I am close to those life forms and may have inadvertently been the cause of the mysterious object. I sent a communication to Xul concerning the recent election in America and described how stark raving idiots had gained an enormous victory. Unfortunately, the Republican party, Fox News, and Sarah Palin are known in our galaxy since they are regarded as life forms who have the potential to destroy the entire universe. A group of Xulian anthropologists and psychologists decided to investigate the minds of Americans. We are regarded in the universe as among the strangest life forms ever to exist. Millions of Americans who lack health care vote for people who want to deny them health care. Millions of people who pay a higher rate of taxes than billionaires vote to ensure the rich get even lower tax rates. Millions of people who need better transportation systems to get to work vote for people who do not wish them to have better transportation systems. And, so on and so on.
I was in contact with those on the space ship. They regret frightening anyone. Then again, as G told me, “you Americans so love to make your lives miserable by voting for these creatures of fear and hate so how could our space ship be an object of fear?” Rest assured they are leaving. You can return to celebrating the defeat of the health care system that would give you health care and you can now rejoice knowing the poor millionaires and billionaires will not be deprived of their wealth.
Oh, G wanted me to make clear that no American is welcome in ANY PART OF THE UNIVERSE! They prefer if lunacy was restricted to planet Earth.