Send In the Mouse

An American officer, John Ringquist, has discovered that an African pouched rat is an affectionate sort of animal has a wonderful sense of smell that allows it to be trained to sniff out bombs. The good news is these rats work real cheap and if handed a few bananas now and then will work their tails off for you in order to identify bombs that might kill soldiers. Since they are small, the rat can get into tiny places and, if anything goes wrong, boom and they are blown to smithereens. This suggests there is need to reconsider the entire role of rats in American military and political life. After all, if there is one thing the United States possesses in considerable depth — is RATS. OK, so maybe our rats are not all affectionate, but our rats can smell to high heaven and best of all they can dig through shit and emerge smelling as though they have never been in it. So, here is our list of American Rats and what they can do:

1. Glenn Beck. No rat can match him in being able to draw straight lines leading to the nearest shit hole.

2. Sarah Palin, No rat has her ability to speak volumes and give off nothing but hot air.

3. Tea Party: Here is a band of rats who scurry around making noises that make absolutely no sense, but to many come across as logical. After all, how many Rats can have the government receive less money and pay off their debts at a faster rate?

4. Rush Limbaugh, He actually looks like a giant African pouch rat.

5. Republican Party: They would rat on their mothers and fathers if it got them votes.