The news from the Crimea poses untold problems for the people of Russia who are shouting their joy at the return of the Crimea to beloved Mother Russia. However, a dark cloud has appeared in the skies over the Crimea. McDonald’s has announced that it is closing their three stores located on the Crimea and will no longer serve French Fries to the folk of that region. Never again will a Crimean again here the famous words of, “do you want fries along with your order?” No more horrid McDonald’s coffee in the morning, no more free coffee during the first few weeks of April, alas, the Big Mack has gone to the big guy up in the sky. There are unconfirmed reports some McDonald’s staff have decided they can not endure life without the milkshake and fries and have decided to abandon the land of Crimea for the land of Big Macs located in the state of Ukraine.
Russian nationalist hater, Vladimir Zhirinovsky has declared war, with no mercy offered to any prisoners, with the Army of McDonald’s that remains in Mother Russia. “I want to get them out of my sight. Next, we will deal with Pepsi Cola.”
As of this moment, there are no reports of action to be taken against any American Pizza establishments and Kentucky Fried Chicken has been granted neutral status. FLASH I just received word that Coca Cola is sending in troops to take over any Pepsi Cola site that has been evacuated!