It is generally accepted policy that a nut case who makes a media splash is entitled to no more than a single day of having his mug plastered over the media or his body appears in a talk show. Pastor Terry Jones has come up with a new wrinkle to the traditional fifteen minutes of fame routine.. After saying he would abandon the plan to burn Qurans, he now claims New York City’s imam, Feisal Abdul Rauf, lied to him because in his view Muslims agree to move the site of a proposed mosque elsewhere. I assume by “elsewhere” he meant the northern region of the Bronx. Jones now insists the Muslim guy lied to him and this means burning war. An unconfirmed report from Brooklyn informs me that a Muslim from Egypt has decided to burn a thousand copies of the Bible. However, although this can not be confirmed, sources inform me of a mass burning of Torahs that will be conducted in Berlin. After much thought, we have concluded this Jones guy has come up with a fantastic idea to get the fifteen minutes of fame. How about:
Tiger Woods threatens to burn his clubs unless they quit having him lose golf tournaments.
I have informed President Obama unless all my credit card debts are cancelled I will hold an auto de fe and burn my wife in Forest Park,St. Louis
Rudy Giuliani has threatened to burn five homeless men unless he is guaranteed five speaking engagements per week at $200,000 per.
Sarah Palin has threatened to burn five elk unless her neighbor moves out within three weeks.
Glenn Beck has threatened to burn down Fox News studios unless he can draw lines on the White House lawn that point to Africa.
Benjamin Netanyahu has threatened to burn 100 Torahs unless Jews are allowed to settle in Cairo suburbs and build a synagogue.
Barry Bonds has threatened to burn his entire collection of steroid bottles unless he is guaranteed a place in the Hall of Fame.